I thought long and for the most part in vain about the topic for my letter to the Ordinary Side this week. Being used to writing a newspaper and other material for sorcerers already well versed with myself and the realm, it stumped me for a moment. I considered introducing Flux and the rest of the Tinklepinks… the PI’s of Tabatha who resemble puffed-out furry fireflies, they are often on your side of the portal collecting information and returning it to me, I dare say you have never noticed them. I thought of writing about when I first came here and stayed with my aunt and uncle at Dracon Hall, the traditional living quarters for ruling sorcerers as my uncle took reign when my mother chose not to.  However, I am picky and none of these had the feeling of a match. I wanted to touch your intrigue and give a little insight into the main town of Tabatha. 

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Ideas continued to wake me in the middle of the night as I slept in the master bedroom at Bell and Paper Library. Fiercely keen and a tad excited not to miss or forget any, I scribbled each one down upon my block of paper permanently roosted on the boudoir’s desk, or rather I told Nib, my fountain pen, lying atop the paper block to write them. I was too lazy to rise from a comfortable velvet bed and a sea of pillows… a ruling sorcerer needs her beauty sleep and There. It. Was. The idea to tell you tell you all about this week. I introduce Tabatha’s beauty spa Twisted Crystal and Xareni who created it. I promptly spun a yarn or two to Nib before falling into a gratified slumber...

Tabatha Town in the centre of the realm is fun and surprisingly twee. Surrounded by Tangerine woods, daily life exists here in the same way it does wherever you live on the Ordinary side. We look after our fellow comrades with its many shops, services, the Celia Dagger school and cafes. Outside of me being in the library, I can be found most often wandering the curvy streets, talking to sorcerers and taking tea, I guess you could throw in it doubles as a ruler making the rounds. My uncle preferred not to venture out and befriend others as much as I do, I was encouraged to do the same, but I found I became more influential, efficient at ruling and useful to the realm playing it my way, not my uncle’s way. You see, I came to understand, whether you are a magical or an Ordinary being doesn’t matter. My advice stands. Do what provides energy to you, not steals energy from you.

This is exactly what Xareni did with Twisted Crystal after taking my advice when my uncle handed reign over to me. Xareni has been fluffing, buffing, zapping, pinging and regenerating us for the last 10 years since she first opened her beauty health spa. After arriving in Tabatha at age 16 Xareni, like each of us, began to master her particular magic and sorcery powers, in this case, regeneration and healing at the training school, and studied beauty and opulence as her topper-upper subject. It was an arena dear to her heart after living through her teens with a droopy eye, breakouts and a hooked nose, all sources of pain for her and prime targets for being made fun of whilst at Ordinary school

After many failed attempts, including turning her nose orange by mistake, she changed her hooked version to one she liked and invented a treatment to rub out spots. Xareni continued to practice her new skills in more areas and issues and began to de-stress and assist her sorcerer friends with their desired changes or necessary restoration. Having realised she was helping to create better lives for others, Xareni opened Twisted Crystal on Lilac Way, to extend luxury, healing and her powers to everyone.

Her mission is to maintain sorcerers’ bodies in their best condition and to ensure we each have an opportunity to feel radiant, to feel and look good not only on the outside but on the inside too – which, of course, is more important. Because, as Xareni says: 

“You wear happiness. It glows on your face lighting up the atmosphere around you in the same way the night sky is pearlised by the moon. No magical spa treatment can replicate it, and the only way to be able to wear happiness is to be at peace with your own authenticity.”

Xareni kindly gave permission for me to disclose a handful of her treatments. We all love Xareni and appreciate her hugely, as does Flux, whose burnt patch  on top his head she mended last week.

A selection of treatments available for sorcerers

The Ploofah body deal - 100 Gikba (currently reduced from 150 Gikba)

Bath soak in sun-enchanted water 

Rub down with humming pebbles

Wrapped in hot grasses

Quick wobbly bits hoover

Covered in soul balm

Individual treats

Wound healing - From 50 Gikba

Beard cleanse or full shave with Tangerine Woods’ sandy moss - 40 Gikba

Sword nails - 30 Gikba

Unknot combat belly - 35 Gikba

Change hair colour or length- 15 Gikba

Change eye colour - 250 Gikba

Change nose - 400 Gikba

Change ears (pointy or traditional) - 450 Gikba

Spot rubbing out (course of 5) - 125 Gikba

Tinklepink special - wing soak and re-tune, plus antenna massage ­- 30 Gikba

Revamper - for burnt, damaged, twisted, iced hands or feet - 25 Gikba. Replace missing toes or fingers - 40 Gikba extra per digit.

Full wobble bits hoover to remove them for good! - 200 Gikba

Glitter Pond mind dumping and meditation in the steam tree. Every Wednesday - 10 Gikba

Do let me know what you would pick, should you come across me when I arrive in London. I can recommend the Ploofah body package and sword nails.

Ophelia

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